Sunday, January 14, 2018

I Failed

I hate the feeling of  failure. Especially when I know it is my fault. I had a crazy week, but I know I could have done better. I only have a few words memorized of The Living Christ. I listed on only one or two talk. I don't think I read in the Book of Mormon at all. I can't believe I failed so horribly. I know I can do better.
I know I need to concentrate on my spiritual goals above all others. I will do better this week. I will listen to a conference talk each morning. I will read from the Book of Mormon each day. I will memorized the first paragraph of of The Living Christ.
 I did have a great spiritual experience this week even though I was less than stellar in keeping up with my goals. I had an assignment to find a talk or article by a general authority about finding the truth. I read and learned from a talk by Elder Evans. As I read it, tears ran down my face. I know that it is the work of God. I know I need to do the simple things to bring myself closer to the Lord. I know that it makes me feel happier when I do. This week is the start of me getting back to these good habits.


Wow! I actually completed all my goals this week. Sort of. I had an interesting experience today. All week I've been thinking I need to read over my lesson I had to teach in Relief Society today. I have developed great anxiety over my calling in general. So much that it has made me physically ill. Well today was no exception. I read over the lesson part way on Friday night, then read the whole thing on Saturday, but I could not concentrate. I felt like I was reading the words but there was nothing there. I was distracted and frankly, I just didn't want to take the time to do it. So I stayed up until 2:30 a.m. stressing about it but not preparing. I just watched a movie instead. Of course, I didn't sleep well because I was worried about it. It's bad enough having to stand in front of people, but way worse when you don't even know what you're going to teach about. It. was. bad. So I jumped in the shower this morning and in the two minutes I had (the water was cold because my husband used all the hot water), I prayed. I told Heavenly Father that I knew I didn't deserve to ask Him to help me with my lessons because I didn't put any work into it. But I asked Him that He would at least help my have clarity with my speech so that what I did say didn't come out all befuddled like it usually does. I didn't ask for any special things other than that and that I would be moved to say whatever He would have me say.

When I got up today, I told the sisters about my anxiety and then I told them about what someone told me recently. That courage is the willingness to stand up and be seen. I wanted to overcome my irrational fear. So I moved the table aside. I usually feel better being hidden by the podium. But I moved the whole table out of the way and asked them to see me. I then held my head high and launched right in to the lesson by applying what I learned in my institute class last Thursday. It seemed to fit right in with the topic and it all seemed to flow really well. I talked, engaged, asked questions, they all participated. The energy was high and the Spirit was strong. It was by far the best lesson I've ever given. I don't say that to brag about myself by any means. I give all the credit and glory to my Heavenly Father, who in His infinite mercy saw fit to forgive me my lack of preparation and use me to pass the message He wanted everyone to hear.

God is GREAT!!!!!!

Oh, and I prayed every day, read my scriptures, and read my institute readings. By the way, I ended up not taking the Doctrines of the Plan of Happiness. I ended up taking Scripture Study: The Power of the Word. It's really awesome so far! Great choice on my part.

Everything is awesome!! I feel like this was a great Sabbath Day.

My goals for this week are:

  • Institute readings
  • Prayer
  • Scripture Study
  • Pass of my next one in Personal Progress
Happy Sabbath!!!

Sunday, January 7, 2018

Trying Again

I love listening to conference talks in the mornings. I have missed a lot of mornings in the last few weeks, and I could tell by how I have been feeling. My anxiety levels seem to be higher when I don't start my mornings right.
I am going to start this year right (not counting last week). I am going to listen to a conference talk each morning and read from the Book of Mormon each day. I am also going to start on the goal I was so excited about a few weeks ago: memorize The Living Christ one paragraph per week. To keep me honest on this goal, I will send a video to Melissa each week (she doesn't know this yet, but she will).

Long Break

Well I've been out of sorts these last few weeks. I think I'm able to get back on track. So my goals for this week are:

  • Pray sincerely every day
  • Read scriptures every day
  • Prepare my Relief Society lesson for Sunday
  • Keep up with my institute reading assignments
The institute class I'm taking this semester is The Doctrines of The Plan of Salvation. I'm really looking forward to it. There were so many different ones to choose from and I had a hard time picking but I think anything I take will help me grow closer to my Heavenly Father. 

I sure need Him.

Sunday, December 24, 2017

Loving Conference

First of all, I forgot to pray most days, but I am determined to make this a part of my daily life again, so I am going to make this a goal again. I am also going to make a reminder to put on my bathroom mirror. I obviously need it.
I read the Book of Mormon all but one work day. I had not done the other spiritual goals, and decided that I had already failed that day so there was no point in doing it. (I know. That is self destructive talk.) I will continue to do this. I really do like learning from it, and I am almost done with this group of Isiah chapters which will make it easier.
I am loving the conference talks from the last General Conference. I am defiantly going to keep doing this! I forgot to listen to one on Monday, but I was good about listing to talks the rest of the work week. My favorite talk this week was called That Your Joy Might Be Full. I could feel the Spirit so strong in my kitchen as I made my lunch and ate my breakfast! My main take away is a challenge that I am going to add to my spiritual goals this week: I was to memorize "The Living Christ." I have it on my wall in the living room, but I don't think I have ever read it. It seems strange to me, but I am going to fix that. I know that I cannot memorize it by the end of the week, but I can try to memorize one paragraph per week until I know the entire document.

My paragraph this week will be the first one:
As we commemorate the birth of Jesus Christ two millennia ago, we offer our testimony of the reality of His matchless life and the infinite virtue of His great atoning sacrifice. None other has had so profound an influence upon all who have lived and will yet live upon the earth.

Sunday, December 17, 2017

Tough Week

I don’t know how to pull out of this funk or why not participating as much in my spiritual goals seems to be my greatest struggle when I am down. Chad's dad was put into hospice care this week and given 6 months or less to live. I was a hard blow and threw me off in many ways. Unfortunately, I think the spiritual goals struggled the most. I believe in the power of prayer and know I have been given a lot of guidance because of faithful prayers. Yet, it seems to be what I struggle with the most. I need something to remind me to do it until it becomes a habit. Since I was getting up early most mornings, I didn’t listen to talks and convinced myself it was because it might wake up the kids. I know that is crazy. Not only would they probably not wake up, they would be hearing great messages from the Lord. I read from the Book of Mormon a few days, but not very many. I have been sucked into social media, and need to find my way out again so I can work on this goal.
This week, I think working on the same goals would be a good thing. In case you don't remember, I am going to pray and listen to a conference talk every morning and read in the Book of Mormon every day. I can do this. I have done it before. The only thing holding me back is myself.

So much for warriorship

Well, I didn't accomplish any of my goals this week. I did pray but not on my knees.

I'm going schedule the temple again, plus my institute reading. That's it.

I'm definitely going to be praying for help. I've got to pull out of my funk.